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Saturday, April 7, 2012

Naked is Good

In the beginning all things were naked. That was when all things were good. Even people were naked. Then the Garden of Eden thing happened and it wilted and was closed to the public. Things couldn't be naked any more. Great minds like, Michelangelo, tried to restore the dignity of nakedness and his successors painted clothes over his nude figures. But where others have failed the Ducati Monster 796 naked bike has succeeded. Finally a savouir who restores nakedness to that important part of our world without which we are almost dust in the wind--motorcycles. While mankind still has to cover his glory in blue jeans and  Banana Republic the Ducati Monster can streak in broad daylight and be proud of it. It goes where man could only go in another life. The Ducati gives us a glimpse of that life to come when once again we will be restored to our candescent innocence and just be able to be ourselves.

The Monster restores the relationship lost in Eden. Since the Garden, guys have never completely gotten along with girls and vice versa. Some guys have even had to resort to calling dogs their best friends and girls turn to retail therapy when the relationship is strained. The Ducati heals that.

From the physique to personality she presents the perfect companion for man. Smooth atheletic curves. Seductive but sinless and unquestionably faithful with a electronic security ignition that means she'll only start for one person in this world--you. An indomitable, independent 84hp will and yet lacking nothing of docility and gentle handling with an upside Marzocchi fork and a lightweight body structure. Flexibility? 120mm of shock travel so when the relationship hits a bump you both can bounce back smoothly. The Desmo symphony pouring out of the exhausts give her a voice that you'll love hearing at any time of the day. Sweet vibrations of the 2 cylinder revving up your spine mean she's a qualified massage therapist. What more could a guy ask for? OK, she doesn't like walking home in the rain and prefers premium fuel over pina colada but you'll be willing to suffer that and much more without hesitation when you see that at 45 mpg date night in good weather can be almost anywhere for just a few bucks.

The time for man to become good again has come but who will tame him? For some of us it'll take a Monster.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

New Job, New Love

My first job for 2012 was working at Cafe Roma, an Italian cafe downtown. It had probably some of the best Italian cuisine in Sacramento (coming from a guy who lived in Italy for 4 years). I was the guy who was frothing your capuccino so no need to compliment me on the lasagna. Roma was good caffeinated fun but man doesn't live on coffee alone so I had to move on. I think everyone should have one of those barista jobs to start with so you know what it's like to work a day and a half to buy the cheapest pair of Oakley's. In the end, I didn't by the Oakley's.

Instead, I started interviewing. I had never been in a real job interview before and I had heard that there were a lot of rules and things you should or shouldn't say. Unfortunately, I don't do well with rules and the tube that connects my brain to my mouth is very short. So I walked into Honda and told I've never sold anything in my entire life. Somehow I got the job on the spot so now I sell Honda automobiles. If you come by Elk Grove Honda sometime I'll take you for a spin in the 2012 Si Coupe. Commission jobs have no guarantees but for some of us that's not just the story of a salary but the story of life itself. The car lot does have it's semi-romantic twists. There's a certain satification in seeing a lady pull up in a 96 clunker with exhaust tuberculosis and then send her on her way in a sleek new Civic.

Shortly after that I started some online dating and fell in love. We meet almost every evening on She's Italian. She's a Ducati Hypermotard 796 - red edition. Perhaps a little out of my league but the relationship is maturing slowly. I'd rather not show off so if you want to see her you'll need to go to yourself.

Got the job. Almost got the girl. Life is good.